There are some days I wish I could go back to the time where the most important decision I had was what color crayon to use.
I’ve had a few too many of those lately.
Yesterday, as I was waiting for a bus to take me to my mom’s, I saw one of the many trains that come through Edmond on any given day, and wished for a brief moment that I could just hop into one of the cars and disappear.
Too many people would be looking for me, and I’m not the kind of person who runs out on her obligations.
I just have to make it work somehow.
Where I’m going to get the money to make said obligations I have no idea. I really never realized how hard it was to find a job until I started looking for one back in January. It was one of the promises I made to myself at the beginning of they year.
The other one was to choose my battles wisely.
But now it seems both of those are intertwined somehow. When to fight and when to walk is weighing heavily on me.
I’ve never been late with my bills since the fall of 2009. Now, I don’t know where the money is going to come from to make my bills for this month. The rent’s paid, but then June’s is looming.
Sometimes, I hate being the adult.
I could be like my ex-husband and blame everything on someone else (i.e. me), and pretend everything is going well. But I’m not that good an actress. I actually have a conscience and take my responsibilities seriously. So being this broke, and having no idea where the money is going to come from, and having trouble finding a job scares the living crapola out of me.
I really would like to have electricity on Monday. Yes, that’s tomorrow.
I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~