You ain’t “all that”

Why do some women only have an “identity” because of the man they’re with?

I don’t flippin’ care if he’s a rock star or a construction worker, I don’t define myself by the man I’m dating or am friends with.

That happened once, and it wasn’t me who started it. Years ago, when I was working for the carnival in New England, it seemed that no one could remember my name (except for the person I worked for). I was “defined” by the man I was kinda-sorta “shacked up” with at the time, so to everyone else I was “his girl”. After the relationship ended a year later, I went back to being me. I’m Stef, and that’s who I am, warts and all.

Other women, well they love the attention being with a certain man brings them. Such women have an “agenda”, a reason for being with that particular man at a particular point in time. Sometimes, it’s money. He has it. She doesn’t. He can’t seem to tell her no. She won’t insist that he does tell her no. She loves the fact that he’s wrapped around her little finger.

I could never do that. I could never date a man simply because he’s better off financially than I am. There has to be something there, something between us, something that attracted us to one another. To do that any other way would make me look bad in the eyes of others. I have a lot more pride in myself than that.

I know I ain’t all that.

Some women think they are all that. Why? Because they have so little confidence in themselves that they put on this elaborate act to fool people. And sometimes, it works. When it stops working and their little game is discovered, they move on (either by their choice… or his).

One of my friends from the Disturbed forum I’m a moderator of gave me the link to a clip from “Madea Goes to Jail” (the stage play, not the movie). In it, Madea talks about how people are only meant to be part of your life for just so long, then they’re gone. Some people are meant to be part of your life forever.

This is why so many marriages end in divorce. The people weren’t meant to be together for 20, 30 or 40 years. Meanwhile, the “right” person might be never be with you because you’re married to someone who isn’t right for you, who is using or abusing you, and your friends see it but you’re not listening. It’s a bitter pill to swallow.

I know. I’ve swallowed it.

My parents were married for nearly 40 years. How come I couldn’t do that? How come I got it all wrong? Young, dumb, and in love is all I have to offer as an explanation.

Personally, I’m looking for Mr. Right, NOT Mr. Right Now. If I find Mr. Right, great!

I’m just afraid he’s not out there and I missed my chance.

As I’ve said, I’m not all that. I’m me, and that’s all I can be. I have a lot to offer Mr. Right.

He’s probably with Ms. Wrong right now, and he has no idea.


I’m Stef, and this is where it’s @ !~


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