First Mother’s Day without Mom

Lord, it was hard to actually see that typed out.

Mother’s Day… without Mom.

Mom’s been gone nearly a year, and I still can’t wrap my head around that fact. I mean, I live in her house and she’s not here. I can’t call her when I need advice, or to shoot the breeze with when I get bored.

But to say I didn’t see this coming would be wrong.

I think I realized something was wrong when I went to Austin in September of 2011. I told her I’d be out of town for a few days, and she thought that meant that I wasn’t going to finish school. “No, Mom, I’m going to a concert in Austin and I’ll be back by Thursday (because I had a night class that semester I couldn’t miss).”

She asked if I was still going to finish school, and I said of course. That I was only going to be gone three days.

She still didn’t get it. But then she hoped I had a good time.

Now, she will be gone a year in July, and it seems unreal to me. Still.

Mother’s Day is going to be strange, like last year, but Mom was still here last year. All we had to do was go over to Midwest City to the skilled nursing facility she was in and see her.

Now if I want to see her, I have to go to the cemetery in California where she’s buried with my dad.

I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~


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