The day formerly known as my wedding anniversary

March 12.

Since I have quite a few friends who celebrate birthdays that day, I will focus on that, instead of that Saturday 33 years ago when I was 19.

I have not felt freer, more alive, and living in the moment since I divorced my husband in December of 2005. A great weight was lifted from me the day I got the divorce decree in the mail.

Now, my ex wants to be friends.

Nope. Not gonna happen.

So I wrote this email. I haven’t sent it yet. I may never send it. Let him wonder.

Friends? You’re kidding, right?

All you are to me now is the father of my children, who are now adults with lives of their own.

I’ve moved on. I suggest you do the same. I cannot be friends with you. There is a reason I blocked you on social media. I will be civil and mature about any interaction we may have, but to be one of your mere friends? I don’t think so. We go back a long time before most of your current friends were even a thought in their parents minds.

I’m sure they want to hear all about your obsession with mermaids, Disney movies and that cult you call a church. I do not.

And for any friends we still have in common, don’t use them to send me messages like you did with [mutual friend]. That was low, even for you, to put them in that position. I told them that if you made them uncomfortable, to block you. I don’t think they have. Don’t manipulate people to do your dirty work.

Other than this email and the one previous, I do not wish any contact from you. Not for my birthday, Christmas or for anything else. If there is something important that I need you to know, someone will be in touch. Just not me. You’re not in any of my legal documents since our divorce. So you can quit wondering (don’t deny it, you have been).

I hope you have a nice life. If there is one thing you should do, it is a request to get some mental health counseling.

Find someone else to carry out your final request to be buried in California. I have not the means nor desire to do it. I have my own estate planning to look after.

Again I hope you have a nice life. My life is going okay. Not perfect, but okay. I’ve done more in the last 15 years than I ever got to do during our marriage. I realized that I am so much more than an easy mark to be manipulated like a puppet on a string.

Goodbye and good luck. You’re going to need it.

*I edited out names and changed some pronouns to protect their privacy.

Too heavy-handed? This is a guy who does/did certain things, and when he’s called on the carpet about it, makes sound like other people’s fault.

Like the divorce from his second wife. He actually said, “I’ll give her her stupid divorce…” like none of it was his fault.

Good bye and good riddance. I hope he has a nice life. I just don’t want to be part of it other than what’s already transpired. He is the father of my sons, but that’s about it. He didn’t want to be their father when they were growing up. He wanted girls. I’m glad now we didn’t have any.

Though I wish I were still young enough to have one with someone else…

The only man I would’ve considered it with, if the subject had been raised, died almost two years ago. I miss him.

I don’t miss my ex.


I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~


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