Let’s talk about pain

I have made peace (sort of) that some time this weekend, I’ll be making yet another trip to the ER because I’m in a significant amount of pain in all the wrong places.

They’ll weigh me, take my vitals, ask about insurance coverage, and then they’ll ask about the pain.

  1. Is it constant, or does it come and go?
  2. Do you feel nauseous?
  3. Where is the pain, exactly?
  4. Have you experienced this kind of pain before?

Okay, let’s go through these in order:

  1. The pain came and went initially, then decided to come in, hang up its hat and coat, sit down, put its feet up and ask me for a beer and a sandwich. Oh, and don’t bother me, the game is on.
  2. At the moment, I feel like I need to hurl, but nothing happens.
  3. Right up under my right breast, making life a tad difficult.
  4. Yes, in January, Pancreatitis decided to visit. It just wanted to watch bad Lifetime movies and QVC and a couple of Thunder games for four days. I had to evict it. I wanted to evict Gallbladder, too, but it paid its rent on time. It wouldn’t be prudent to evict it at this juncture because Liver liked having it around. Apparently, it tells great jokes that keep Liver amused. I’m convinced that Liver and Gallbladder are co-dependent. 

Then the nurses/ER physician du jour will ask about my last cycle. Auntie Flo decided she’d had enough of me and moved Florida to retire. It’s been 10 months and I don’t miss her, the bitch. She’d made my life hell for 40 years. I was grateful that she took vacations 4 times, in 1983, 1986, 1991, and 1993. She tried to go on vacation in 1989, but that didn’t work out.

Then, if there’s room, and a really good reason for me to stay put, I’ll be admitted the health spa. 

Me, whining to myself: I don’t wanna go to the health spa! I wanna go to the Machine Shop next month!

We’ll see how all this shakes out. Suffice it to say that I’m probably not going to the fair on Sunday. 

I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~


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