I feel like 💩.

Just catch whatever already and get it over with!

You know, just eating makes me nauseated. I wonder every day of I’m going to toss my lunch and/or a pint of blood in public. There are many, many times I’ve gotten off the bus, or run into a store’s restroom, because I felt like I was going to throw up. Then nothing happens. 

The very idea that I might vomit blood in public makes me ill. People would absolutely freak out if they witnessed that. EMSA would be there so fast it’d make your head spin Exorcist-style. 

And yes, I have discussed this with my doctors at Nazih Zudhi. I’m just afraid I be proven right one day and end up in the hospital with some serious complication of my liver disease…like gallstones and pancreatitis wasn’t bad enough. I don’t even want to think what those complications might be, short of a transplant. Yet it’s all I think about.

I can’t quit eating. You kinda need to do that (and I found out the hard way what happens when you’re malnourished) to stay healthy. 

So for now, I follow the low sodium plan as best I can. I get as much exercise as I can tolerate. I drink enough water to drown a horse. 

I’ve gained weight from my low of 215 lbs.(And yes, I know that’s still heavy, but it’s better than the 380 lbs I started out at). I’ve officially entered menopause, so maybe it’s time to look into natural hormone replacement therapy (because I’m not taking Premarin. I take too many meds already). Maybe BHRT is something to look into. I know my eating habits aren’t the greatest, but I don’t think it’s because of that. 

I’d like to have more good days than bleh days for a change. 


I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~