If everyone were forced to wear a label…

What would yours say?

Mine would say:

WARNING: contains many, if not all, of the following- rational thought, compassion, empathy, loyalty; may also contain civil disobedience, argumentative attitude, and a rebellious streak; also: strong language, bawdy humor, a “doesn’t care what you think” mindset, and a “you better not mess with me and mine or you’ll live to regret it” attitude. Some of these traits may not be suitable for all consumers. Not all traits are listed. Your mileage may vary.

I posted this on Facebook several years ago. It still applies. 

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I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~

Let’s talk about pain

I have made peace (sort of) that some time this weekend, I’ll be making yet another trip to the ER because I’m in a significant amount of pain in all the wrong places.

They’ll weigh me, take my vitals, ask about insurance coverage, and then they’ll ask about the pain.

  1. Is it constant, or does it come and go?
  2. Do you feel nauseous?
  3. Where is the pain, exactly?
  4. Have you experienced this kind of pain before?

Okay, let’s go through these in order:

  1. The pain came and went initially, then decided to come in, hang up its hat and coat, sit down, put its feet up and ask me for a beer and a sandwich. Oh, and don’t bother me, the game is on.
  2. At the moment, I feel like I need to hurl, but nothing happens.
  3. Right up under my right breast, making life a tad difficult.
  4. Yes, in January, Pancreatitis decided to visit. It just wanted to watch bad Lifetime movies and QVC and a couple of Thunder games for four days. I had to evict it. I wanted to evict Gallbladder, too, but it paid its rent on time. It wouldn’t be prudent to evict it at this juncture because Liver liked having it around. Apparently, it tells great jokes that keep Liver amused. I’m convinced that Liver and Gallbladder are co-dependent. 

Then the nurses/ER physician du jour will ask about my last cycle. Auntie Flo decided she’d had enough of me and moved Florida to retire. It’s been 10 months and I don’t miss her, the bitch. She’d made my life hell for 40 years. I was grateful that she took vacations 4 times, in 1983, 1986, 1991, and 1993. She tried to go on vacation in 1989, but that didn’t work out.

Then, if there’s room, and a really good reason for me to stay put, I’ll be admitted the health spa. 

Me, whining to myself: I don’t wanna go to the health spa! I wanna go to the Machine Shop next month!

We’ll see how all this shakes out. Suffice it to say that I’m probably not going to the fair on Sunday. 
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I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~


I think I might be a little, um, depressed

Some twenty years ago, I was diagnosed as clinically depressed. I took anti depressants (Zoloft and a couple others), and I felt better. My doctors eventually weaned me off of them, and I haven’t had any problems since.

Until now.

With my illness (liver disease, in case you’re new to the blog), it kind of snuck up on me. I know these feelings well. 

Lethargy, trouble sleeping, losing interest in things… they’re all there. And it kills that I just can’t power through it. I’ve tried. I haven’t felt quote-unquote normal for a while. The only exception to that is when I went to Dallas last month. I was with my tribe, fellow metal fans, and the music was my drug. 

I think that’s why I went. I’d bought my ticket between two hospital stays, and the planning and saving money to actually make the trip possible good for me.

Getting to spend a day with my friend Cynthia (who I’ve known for over 40 years!) was a bonus. I was on her turf for a change😀

I’m going to talk to my PA at the liver clinic next month about this. Perhaps she’ll have some ideas for me. 

Meanwhile, I know it’s just not in my head. These feelings are real. I wish I could figure it out on my own, but I think I’m smart enough to know when I need help. 

I’m not suicidal or anything. I have so much to live for! But I’m waving the white flag now. 

Take a look at this video I found on Facebook. It brings up some interesting points. 

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1397100826997438&id=354522044588660
Thanks for reading!📚📓📒📖

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I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~

We are all… Disturbed!

My trip to Dallas to see Disturbed and Breaking Benjamin is this week, and I’m excited as all get out! 

I just have some last minute stuff to take care of, then on Thursday, I get on the Heartland Flyer and head to Fort Worth, where I’ll pick up the rental car (which has become more trouble than it’s worth). I’ve had the hotel reservations since June (and it’s probably a dive, but it’s close to the venue), and the ticket to the show since March. What kills me is that 2 months after I purchased said ticket, the band announced an OKC show the day before the show in Dallas. 

However, I have several high school friends living in the Dallas metroplex (and we went to school in southern California!), and the chance to get out of my comfort zone (all of OKC) was a huge draw. 

And I’m not really enamored of the Zoo Amp anyway. Sorry not sorry. I’ve been there three times, and it was not a pleasant experience any of those times for different reasons. 

But I digress…

I’m getting pumped for the show, getting packed and getting ducks (tickets, paperwork, etc.) in a row so that on Thursday, I can get on the train with no worries. 

Keeping my fingers crossed!
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I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~

My mind is just about made up re: who to vote for in November

I’ll know more after the Democrat’s dog and pony show this week. 

I already know I’m not voting for Trump. 

I probably won’t vote for Hillary either. 

I don’t like either of the choices before us. I feel neither of them are qualified or competent enough to be our next President. 

I’m done voting for the lesser of two evils. 

I’ve voted in every presidential election in which I was eligible to do so since 1984, the year I turned 20 years old. 

This time, I don’t know. 

There are no viable third party candidates to choose from. Writing in someone essentially throws your vote away, though it is tempting. 

I can no longer hold my nose and vote for the one who stinks less. 

We’ve got the racist, xenophobic, narcissistic, misogynistic billionaire

VS

The shady, lying, covering up spouse of a former president whose party may have rigged her victory in the primaries.

Oh, who do I choose as the next leader of the free world >sarcasm<

I don’t even want to think about politics, elections, or candidates right now. 

Who’s right, who’s wrong? Who the fuck cares?

Neither of these candidates do, that’s for damn sure. They want us to be good little drones and vote.

I’m not a drone. I’m the Queen Bee, bitch! 

So put that in yer pipe and smoke it!

After all, they must be on something, right? 
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I’m Stef this is where it’s @ !~