My new reality (or, I hate change?)

Liver disease and a crap ton of meds to take to keep me out of the hospital…not to mention the mounting medical bills.

Student loans I can’t pay.

Too sick to work (though I’m still looking for work).

Feeling useless, dependent, and angry (mostly at myself).

Feeling like no one understands what I’m going through. Just once, I wish that someone would invite me to lunch- or even to just hang out. My sons don’t really want to hear me complain about stuff. Someone who will just let me talk their ears off (because Lord knows I’ve done that for lots of people throughout my life).

And, Mom’s house has been sold and is currently in escrow. Friday night, I saw it all fixed up with all kinds of new stuff. It made me sad…Mom would have loved all the improvements! And, I’m sad that it was the last time I’ll be in that house, ever.

But, life goes on. Such as it is.

*sigh*

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I’m Stef, and this is where it’s @ !~

#whereitsat

gofundme

From the “lessons learned” dept.

If you don’t take your meds, or you run out and don’t get them refilled right away, bad things tend to happen.

Take last Thursday, for instance.

I ran out of Lactulose, the laxative that helps get rid of the excess ammonia that my liver can’t handle thru constant trips to the bathroom. I thought that I could wait on that for a few days to refill the prescription. Turns out that I can’t.

I ended up in the ER, because Daniel couldn’t wake me up from a nap. When I did wake up, I was all confused and my body didn’t respond to simple commands, like move, or nod, or speak coherently. Next thing I know, the paramedics were there asking me all kinds of questions, and me being carted off to the hospital.

Once at the ER, I was asked more questions, had blood tests, and got hooked up to an IV because I was seriously dehydrated. I also had a fever and wasn’t acting like myself. It was then I learned that if I don’t take the Lactulose for as few as 24 hours, the ammonia levels build back up and I get fuzzy headed and confused.

Oh. Joy.

I pretty much scared the crap out of Daniel, and the whole family ends up waiting in the emergency room for me.

I was given a dose of Lactulose, waited for my bloodwork to come back, and was then told I could go home. So no multi-day stay in the hospital.

Yay!

Got the Lactulose refilled, had two of my other prescriptions waiting on a callback from the doctor, and went home.

And, as of Sunday, I now have health insurance, but it doesn’t go into effect for 2 weeks. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll have a prayer of paying down some of the nearly $50K worth of medical bills I’ve accumulated in the last year.

I’m not liking owing doctors and hospitals money. In fact, it sucks. That’s why I started a GoFundMe.com page. I need help with this and this is a way to do that. So if you’re so inclined, go read my story and donate what you can. Every little bit helps.

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I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~

#whereitsat

Legal stuff re: Mom’s house

Jeff knocks on my door this morning to tell me that Tori was coming to pick me up in an hour to sign some legal papers in regards to the sale of Mom’s house.

Fortunately, it didn’t take me that long to get ready, seeing that I was already awake (thanks, Salem).

So Tori comes to get me and I got to see her new Cadillac SRX, and made the comment that she was “an old Italian lady in a Cadillac”.

She’ll be 50 next month. Hardly “an old Italian lady”.

She hasn’t figured out all the bells and whistles on her car yet. She was excited about having a back up camera, though!

We go off to the lawyer’s office, which after finally finding it, was so close to where I live I could have taken the bus there! It was on the freakin bus route.

We see the attorney about signing these legal papers, and there’s really nothing to it. We get explanations about what they are trying to accomplish and sign them. Essentially we were agreeing that Dean was representing Mom’s estate, that the house was the only real asset, and that any creditors had two months to make any claims against the estate. The whole process should be over, done with, and wrapped with a pretty bow by July.

I’m not expecting any money from the sale of the house. If I do get something, it’d be nice. But it would be unrealistic to expect anything.

The lawyer was going to court this afternoon, and Tori & I will get something in the mail (I’m assuming) regarding what happened, and what the next step is (besides waiting).

All in all, I think we were in and out in less than an hour.

It was a nice break in my non-routine. Back to the business of being the 2015 version of me.

Yay.

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I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~

#whereitsat

Wait! This still happens in 2015?!

About the OU fraternity that was caught on video singing a racist chant:

DISCLAIMER: I am not an alumna of the University of Oklahoma, nor have I have been  involved with a Greek organization.

Fraternities and sororities are not bad organizations. They can enhance a student’s college experience, looks good on resumes, etc. My sister was in a sorority when she was in college in the mid 80s; I seem to recall it being a good experience for her; however, it was never really an option for me as my college experience came later in life. I’d actually encourage membership in a Greek organization to an incoming college freshman if that was their thing.

That said, I am totally disgusted by the video that has made the rounds on the internet showing the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity singing a racist chant. It is 2015, we should be beyond this! It saddens me that this type of behavior is still happening in this day and age. We are better than this.

I applaud OU President David Boren’s swift action in this matter. Those frat members do NOT deserve to call themselves Sooners. They have made the University of Oklahoma the subject of national attention they can ill afford to have. SAE’s national organization has suspended OU’s chapter, and all members must be out of the fraternity’s house by midnight tomorrow.

There is no room anywhere for bigots and racists, and the fact that this happened the same weekend as the 50th anniversary of  “Bloody Sunday”, the Selma to Montgomery march (March 7, 1965), is as ironic as it gets. While I hope that the affected students can finish their collegiate careers elsewhere, I can only wonder how easy it will be for them to find other schools to attend.

This truly saddens me. It disgusts me. But if we as a society can rise above it and become better human beings, then let’s do it. It doesn’t matter what school you attended or what affiliations you have. It’s 2015, people– let’s finally get this right.

Just my thoughts.

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I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~

#whereitsat

I hate feeling like I have no get up and go

…because all I’m feeling is that my get up and go got up and left.

Not that I could go anywhere today, with it being a holiday AND we got sleet last night. So anywhere I wanted to go was closed due to the holiday or the weather.

All I want to do is sleep, and that’s not normal for me. Yes I’ve gone out for the day then when I returned home, took a nap, but nothing like this. Sometimes I feel like I can’t summon the energy to even get out of bed, but I do it…mostly because all my meds are in the kitchen at the other end of my apartment.

I need to make phone calls tomorrow, now that I know that the phone number for the government agency I was trying to call last week was wrong because my sister wrote it down wrong. Thanks, sis!

I demand the immediate return of my old life, because now I feel like I’m in some dark abyss that I can’t escape from.

Minus the 125lbs. I’ve lost in the last 2 years, of course.

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I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~ 

#whereitsat

It’s late and I’m listening to my stomach gurgle

Lactulose.

It’s this sweet syrup that is a laxative, and I’m just waiting for the next trip to the bathroom. It also is supposed to dissipate any ammonia that builds up in my brain (which causes confusion and forgetting things in the middle of sentences) and the only way to eliminate it is thru constant trips to the bathroom. The diuretic I can handle, but God help me if I go somewhere and can’t get to the bathroom in time! It actually happened to me in the hospital the day I was discharged! Fortunately, I was just steps from the bathroom so cleaning up the mess was easy.

I hate the damn stuff! But, if it fixes the problem, I’m all for it. Thing is, I have a months supply and five refills!

This will be an interesting year.

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I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~ 

#whereitsat

If you’re so inclined, check out my gofundme page at : http://GoFundMe.com/kok50g  Thank you for taking the time to read my story. There will be an update soon.