No sweat

No, really…I’m not sweating, and it’s been really hot here in Oklahoma. We’ll get up to like 97 or so degrees, but the heat index is like 108°F (what it feels like). The weather people on TV call it “air you can wear” because it’s so humid.

I should be sweating bullets, because that’s just how I am. But I’m not, and I’m concerned about it. I’m concerned about heat stroke because my body can’t cool itself. About 20 years ago, I had heat sickness. I actually had to go to the hospital to be checked out. I had the worst headache I’d ever had to that point, and it took weeks for it to go away.

I don’t want to experience that again, so I’ll be on the phone with the doctor toute suite. Watch, this will be a symptom of my liver disease or some bizarre thing.

My life…never a dull moment. Yay me.


I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~


Back into the swing of things

I’m having a hard time getting motivated to do anything, and it bugs the living crap out of me.

For four years, I did a podcast for the Disturbed fan forum I’ve been part of since before their last studio album, Asylum, came out in 2010. Since their hiatus is now over, I thought I’d start it up again.

I have the capability to do video on my tablet, but adding sound (like music) is rather limited. Since I don’t have a computer at the moment with all my audio editing software on it, this will have to do.

Now if I could get my brain in gear (one of the symptoms of my illness is being fuzzy headed when the ammonia my body produces affects my thinking, especially if I don’t take my meds), I could get this done. I like doing this, so I don’t want to hand this off to someone else. And unless I become physically incapacitated, I’m going to do it as long as CrowX and Ravensclaw want me to.

So there, Liver Disease.

Just have to work through the fatigue. I’m not a quitter.


Morbus Rising- a DISTURBED fan forum

I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~


The hiatus is over

…and my favorite band of metal rockers, Disturbed, have a new album coming out in a little over a month (August 21st)!

There’s already a single and video out for a song called The Vengeful One…I’ve heard it and it abso-effin-lutely kicks ass! The video is a little, um, violent, but it gets the point across.

The announcement of the new album, titled Immortalized, was a complete surprise to most fans. There had been rumors that the guys were in Vegas recording, but hearing nothing official from the band, I pretty much wrote it off to wishful thinking. Turns out they’ve been writing new stuff since January of this year, and did a good job keeping it a secret. It was a nice surprise, to say the least.

Then frontman David Draiman deleted his Twitter account due to internet trolls making threats against him and his family. He’s a dad now (his son, Sam, will be 2 in September), and he’s going to do everything he can to protect his boy. If that means deleting himself from social media, so be it.

Now, they’re going to play a show in the band’s hometown of Chicago the same day the album drops on August 21…and I already know I won’t be able to go. One, I don’t have the funds to spare right now; and two, because of my health issues of late, I probably should stick  close to home. Three, I probably won’t be taking any solo car trips for the foreseeable future, so I’d have to find alternate ways to get to out of state shows. Flying doesn’t thrill me, and there is no way I’m taking a Greyhound bus. Train? I’d have to look into that option, if by some miracle I come into a little cash to make such a trip possible. I have been to Chicago on the train, but that was 15 years ago!

There probably won’t be a tour until after the first of the year, but David and guitarist Dan Donegan are in Europe promoting the album’s release there. Generally, places like Europe and Australia will be the first to get their hands on an album before us here in the U.S.

So, my middle aged metal lovin’ heart is deliriously happy right now!


I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~


If you’re seeing this post

then chances are that I told the 97°F weather to take a flying leap and went out to some place with both wifi and a/c.

I’m not sure I’m liking the heat index of 107°F (in the shade, no less!). That’s just asking for trouble.

At least it’s not the back-to-back summers of 2011 & 2012. Back then, the heat index was through the roof and the actual temps were in the neighborhood of 105°F and 110°F.

Plus there were crickets everywhere! Yuk!

I have to catch up on my email, my social media, and not leave my friend Larry hanging on how I’ve been feeling (since I started the conversation last Friday).

It would be nice to have internet at home, but that’s not in our budget right now.

If I sweat, then everything’s great. If not, then my doctors at Nazih Zudhi have some ‘splainin’ to do. I mean, how much water to I have to consume every day to replace what the diuretics take out?

And is coconut water okay (as opposed to, say, Gatorade, which I can’t drink any more because of the salt content and my tendency to retain fluid)?

Every summer, a vacation to the southern hemisphere sounds more and more appealing. Australia or bust!

Hmmm, snow in July…I think I like it.


I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~


Stef: a work in progress- 2015 edition

On Wednesday, I found myself in Target, and I decided that I was going to try on a pair of jeans to decide what size to buy, since my current size is now woefully too big.

Usually, whatever size I wore had a “W” after it (24 W, 22 W, etc.). So for laughs, I decided to try on a pair that was a straight size and not a plus size.

I took 2 pairs into the dressing room with me; one in a size 16 short, and the other in a 14 regular.

I honestly didn’t think the 14s would fit. So I tried on the 16s.

Good news: they fit me! Bad news: they’re made for a 21 year old, because when I bent over, all kinds of me was on display that I don’t want people to see.

Therefore, not worth the $30 pricetag.

The 14s I could get on, and I could zip them up, but I looked like a sausage.

I think I’ll stick to the sizes that have the W after them, as they’re a little roomier than the regular sizes.

My other problem with jeans is that they all seem to be designed to fit somewhere around the hips, and not the waist. And almost none of them are made for people like me with short legs, because if they fit in the hips, the crotch lands about a quarter of the way down the inside of my legs, and that’s rather unappealing and uncomfortable.

Who’s designing these jeans? Whoever they are, they’re all about six feet tall with legs that go on for days, and that’s something I’ve never had. I’m only 5 foot 6 and have a 27 inch inseam. I’ve never owned a pair of jeans that fit my waist AND my hips at the same time; if they fit in the waist, the hips are too small. If they fit in the hips, the waist is too big. I just can’t win!

And apparently, they don’t make jeans that fit in the waist anymore. Granted, I have lost a lot of weight, but I don’t want jeans that show off all the things I’m trying to hide (like sagging skin and undergarments).

Also: when I wore a 24W, there never seemed to be any to buy because other women my size would beat me to them. Now that I’m a 16W, 24Ws are all over the place…and the 16Ws are in short supply.

Again, I just can’t win!

I just want to look nice and put together, and not like a slob. I would like to get a job and go on dates and feel confident in doing so.

I’m still just a work in progress.


I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~


I wish I could pick up the phone

…and call my mom.

But I can’t.

If you’ve been reading this blog a while, you may know that my mom died three years ago. Tomorrow is the actual date.


I wish I could ask her about all this getting older jazz, all this stuff about me being sick, just about stuff in general.

But I can’t.

Oh, I suppose I could look heavenward and ask, “Well, Mom, now what?” But it’s not the same as her actually being here and being somewhat cognizant of what was going on around her (she was a little out there at the end when there wasn’t enough oxygen getting to her brain due to COPD). I miss the person my mom was before the last year of her life. She was so smart and with it. You couldn’t put anything over on her!

Yep…she was one of a kind.

And sometimes, I do start to call her number and remember that she’s not there to answer it. And we sold her house to a young family back in March of this year. I hope they make lots of memories there.

Because I know we sure did.


Sorry…you caught me waxing nostalgic again. I can almost hear my dad saying, “As for the rest of your life, young lady, that’s for you to figure out.”

Yep. And when I finally figure it all out, well, I’ll let you know?




I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~


Sleep? Sleep?! What’s that?

I get dizzy laying in bed now…what’s up with that?

Between that and Salem trying (in his kitten way, of course) to break down my bedroom door because something is wrong in his kitten universe, I’m not getting a whole lot of sleep.

They say sleep is important for rejuvenation of cells and stuff like that, and I’ve probably have the same old junk because I can’t friggin sleep!

Is it morning yet?



I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~