Worst. June. Ever.

And while I’m not at liberty to go into more detail (because it involves a member of my family not real impressed with social media), I can tell you this episode has left me an emotional mess. 

And though I’ve been assured that none of it is my fault, I feel like I’m partly responsible. 

It’s their story to tell if they wish to, and because of that, I won’t say what happened and what the outcome is. All I know is that I’d give anything for things to go back to normal. At the same time, I know deep inside that things won’t be quote-unquote  normal.

And that kinda makes me sad.


I can’t even…

Things I’m sick of hearing about in the news:

  1. Terrorism– do people hate themselves and other people -some who may not be of the same faith, ethnicity, sexuality, or political ideology, etc.- so much that they have to kill and maim them? No one has a solution that is really feasible, except maybe banning or discriminating them? Really?
  2. Calling all media “fake”– if it doesn’t make you look good, it’s automatically labelled as fake. 
  3. Alternative facts– so you make shit up that has no grain of truth to it whatsoever? Example: everything that comes out of the mouth of the mouthpiece du jour of the current administration.
  4. Tweeting– personally, I don’t think the POTUS should have access to Twitter. Period. 
  5. Donald Trump– he’s clearly way out of his depth here, but can anyone tell him that? Noooooo….

And that’s​ just today! 

He’s been president about 5 months, and he had managed, in that time, to make the USA the laughingstock of the. entire. planet. 

I mean, why couldn’t we have a cool leader like Canada’s Trudeau, France’s Macron, or even Germany’s Angela Merkel? Why do we get TweedleTrump the Wonder Dummy? 

Can we just throw the lot of them out and start over? 

Dear World:

Yes, we know our president is an idiot. I certainly didn’t vote for his arrogant ass. He does NOT, repeat, not represent the average​ American. He only represents those who are uber wealthy like himself. 

We know he’s not fit for the office he holds. But unless his own party starts the process to have him removed, we’re stuck with the Twittering jerk. 

He’s the reason so many Americans are rising up and letting their voices be heard. He, and his cronies, just ignore us…because he knows “more than the generals”, the scientists, the experts in fields he has no trouble insulting. Just as long as he looks good.

Our allies can no longer trust our government. He needs to be removed from office for his obvious ineptitude. He needs to take the rich SOBs in his cabinet with him. Pence, Bannon, Jared, Ivanka, Kellyanne, Spicer, Sessions…the whole lot of them need to go!

I fear for my country. This is not what our veterans fought for. My parents would be appalled at what’s happening to the United States. Thank God they’re not here to see this clusterfuck of an adminstration. 

I better stop now before I literally have a stroke. I am not happy. I am scared of what other bassackward things Trump has up his sleeve. 

Please pray for us, World. 

Much love and respect,


Ah, yes…

Those pesky missed opportunities.

They’re have been so many of those. 

Look, I’ll be happy if we have lunch. Anything after that is icing on the cake.

It’s not gonna happen.

Update: 5/19/17

It’s not happening. I can say that for certain right now. It won’t happen because the other party doesn’t want it to.

I’ll be very surprised if it does. But it won’t. They don’t want it badly enough. 

My question is, why do I keep doing this to myself? Shouldn’t I just find someone who really wants to be with me? 

What’s wrong with me? Is it my fault, or is it a flaw in his personality? Neither one of us is perfect, but I do wish he’d stop yanking my chain. 

Maybe I’ll have to change locations to find that someone who wants to be with me; who would move heaven and Earth to be with me. I can’t stay in this uncertainty indefinitely​. It’ll drive me insane.

And I like my sanity, #thankyouverymuch.

Self preservation. That’s what it boils down to. Advance or retreat. Maybe now is the time to fold my tent and steal off into the night. 

I have nothing left to lose. 

Chris Cornell 1964-2017

An iconic voice has been silenced, apparently by his own hand. We still have recordings to remember his greatness by.

Rest in power, Chris. Thanks for the gift of your music. 


I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~

This is getting old

On April 24th, yours truly was hospitalized.


For the same damn issue.

This crap is getting old and tiresome. I wish they would figure out what’s going on with the fluid that backs up into the pleural sac around my right lung and fix it. Telling me it will recur, despite the fact I’m taking diuretics, doesn’t cut it any more. I want answers, dammit.

And I had to reschedule my May 1st appointment at Nazih Zudhi because I couldn’t get a hold of anyone to take me up there. The new appointment is June 5th. I hope to God I don’t have to make a return trip to the hospital between now and then. 

That would suck.


I’m Stef and this is where it’s @ !~

Weird dreams

I don’t know what it is about my dreams lately, but they are some of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had.

There are people in them I haven’t seen or heard from in ages, or people from different parts of my life who would never meet in real life, or people I know that have gone on to their eternal rest (my parents, a few friends, etc.)…

And the scenarios are just as bizarre. A back room of some bar that you can pay to be placed in a “womb pillow”; a house I’ve never lived in or visited; out in the middle of nowhere, without a stitch of clothing on. 

Or flying without a plane. 

I could blame it on my meds, but I don’t think that’s it. The only time I’ve had drug induced dreams is when I’ve taken NyQuil, morphine or diualid (I’m not sure of the spelling of that though). 

*sigh* Just another weird quirk of my personality, I guess. I could write a book!


I’m Stef and this where it’s @ !~